The Trinity of Self

The word Trinity is often referred to the three-in-one God of the Bible, with the name; The Father, Son, and the Holy Ghost. Because of love, I believe in the Trinity because it only makes sense to me. I never had an issue in believing in the concept of love. I feel and experience love. So, love must have existed before God created the heavens and the earth. So having three persons in the Godhead, allows love to exist before creation.

There is another trinity (lower case t) of my self-centered world. There are three sides to my thinking. I am 1) selfish, 2) self-centered, and 3) live in self-pity. The perfect storm! I live with most of these defects of characters each day, sometimes one or the other is more prevalent, or there are days when I am not consciously aware that I am living in the self-centered world. Ah, before you judge me, I ask that you look for these defects in your life. If you still cannot see it, try a dose of humility.

What does it mean to be selfish, self-centered and self-pity? Page 62 of the Big Book has all three in two sentences and others added on for humility. It is the root of our (mine) troubles!

Big Book, page, 62 “Selfishness—self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles. Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity, we step on the toes of our fellows, and they retaliate.”

What is selfishness? It is me being concerned excessively or exclusively, about me or my advantage over you; where I am overly concerned with self-pleasure, or my personal welfare, at the expense of you.

What does it mean to be self-centered? It is me being preoccupied with my affairs at the expense of yours. This is the area where my ego allows me to go.

What does it mean to live in self-pity? This is my strongest, “weakness.” Self-pity is when I feel suffering and misfortune because of self-indulgence thinking which I accept as truth, but it is all about me wanting something I do not deserve. Often it is a failure of faith, failed thinking and puffing myself up as I deserve something more than you do.

It is interesting to see the trinity of AA as well. When we look at the AA circle/triangle symbol most closely associated with AA. The triangle is three-sided, each side representing, Service, Recovery, and Unity.

So, the trinity of AA is how we should relate to each other. The Trinity of the Bible is how we should love one another.

And the trinity of self should be overpowered by those other two trinities; AA’s Service, Unity, and Recovery and most important learning to Love one another.

Burning Desires?

It is just me that some in our meetings have so many burning desires? When I lead a meeting, I never ask if there is anyone with a burning desire. Around me, so many take the concept of burning desire to mean they need and allow their ego to lead once again.

A leader can be sensitive to the group and pick up on the need for someone to share. Just look at their faces and allow God to direct you in picking the shares. Do you pray before and during the meeting to see what God wants to do?

It may be a surprise to you, that I am most likely wrong. I read that in the Twelve and Twelve:

92:2 Finally, we begin to see that all people, including ourselves, are to some extent emotionally ill as well as frequently wrong, and then we approach true tolerance and see what real love for our fellows means. It will become more and more evident as we go forward that it is pointless to become angry or to get hurt by people who, like us, are suffering from the pains of growing up.

Yep, that is me. Ok, I am like you, and yes it bothers me. I may grow up one day, but today I can express that the folks that bother me the most are the “Loud and Proud.” The hidden drunk-a-log folks, those that repeat 80% of their experience and so little of their strength and hope.

All shares have value; some teach me the program, some teach me patience and some teach me humility. Sometimes, I am not teachable at that moment, my desire as I grow up is to become more teachable. Oh, how my serenity suffers when I allow this to bother me.

Twelve Steps

There are 12 steps In A.A. They are paramount to recovery. They consist of just 200 words in the AA’s Big Book on pages 59-60. When we arrive into AA, most of us wanted some relief from our drinking. We may not be ready to admit we are “alcoholics.” This simple program is not about getting our drinking under control, it is about living life fully without the need to have a drink or to use.

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A.A. Meetings, Knots and Social Outlets

knots

Part of my journey is discovering more about me. The good, the bad and even the ugly. My sobriety is not long, so my journey is fresh and new. How do I mark this road either as progress or stagnation? I took an elevator down to a really dark place, where carnage happens. My drinking helped me to lose my job, my wife, and many relationships. I am now taking the stairs back up, one step at a time. Continue reading